i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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