no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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