I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
