hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
