ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
