You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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