Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
