Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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