He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
