The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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