yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
