please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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