I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
