Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
