so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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