both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
