new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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