omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
