When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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