Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
