if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
