If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
