Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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