I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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