And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
