what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
