if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
