When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
