I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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