Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
