don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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