Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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