Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
