He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
