sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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