I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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