Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
