ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
