I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
