I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
