Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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