i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
