I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
