New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Pants are for mortals
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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