That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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