She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
