their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
