Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Randomize
