So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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