all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
