too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
